Recovery is coming along nicely. Four days after surgery and I’ve managed to stay awake all day without a nap, take only one dose of pain meds, walk outside for about 20 minutes and the biggest thrill of all, take a shower! Oh the shower; let me wax on about how great it is to take a shower and wash one’s hair. It really is the small things in life.

I have managed to do some knitting, ten minutes here and there, and have finally finished Rick’s first pair of handmade socks.

I picked a pretty sedate yarn for his first pair and I didn’t bother to figure out how to make them match, but I like it better that way. I wasn’t sure how he would like them, but he wore them all day and seemed pretty pleased.

Rick has HUGE feet and these socks took FOREVER. I wasn’t really thinking ahead when I promised the next pair to Liza who has size 11 feet! I’m thinking Christmas present. I bought the yarn for her socks from the Goth Socks gal at Sock Summit and can’t wait to get started. They are going to be awesome.

Cancer is a real emotional roller coaster. There is fear of the future but also gratefulness for the wonderful life I’ve had so far. There is fear of pain and more physical limitations but also a realization of my own strength. There is fear of missing my family and friends but such gratitude for my amazing family and some of the best friends anyone could ever hope for. Today Rick and I went for a lovely walk in the woods.

Ever day is a gift. And I am grateful for each one that comes my way.

See you in a few days,

Lee

And I made this one. It is for Liza’s friend Brittany. She picked out the fabrics while she was here over Christmas break. 

Kristy noticed my little petal bag and wanted to try that as well. My friend Sue from Sisters showed us how to make these during that crazy bag week. It is super easy. I made this one. 

And Kristy made this one.  She wants to use them as gift bags for her quilting buddies. They would be cute for holding jewelry as well. 

On a whole other note, I had my scans on Tuesday up at OHSU. Afterwards I saw Dr. Hayden and had a nice long talk with him. All the scans were negative so I get a four month reprieve before the next time. I get to put my “scanxiety” on the back burner for a while. Yipee!

Like everyone else right now, they are suffering financially and it looks like they might have to close their doors. They are funded by private donations and are having an auction on October 11th to see if they can raise enough money to continue.

If you are interested, you can click on the picture below and you’ll be able to view or download a PDF of the benefit flyer.

Seen up close, here are the two sets of pictures that you can see.

The little quilt on the top is made by Betty Daggett from here in the Portland area. The collage next to it was made by Sarah Urquhart from Swannanoa, NC. And the collage under the little quilt was made by Virginia Cole from Moses Lake, WA.

In this group, the drawing on the top right was drawn by an old boyfriend from college. The picture on the top left is a regional artist named Terry McIlrath that Rick and I really like and the photo on the bottom is from a street artist in New York City.

But what really gets me through all this forced inactivity is books, DVD’s and my lovely laptop. How did we ever survive without all this media to distract us?

I have managed to get some paperwork done but not much handwork thus far. I thought I’d be knitting or appliqueing, just haven’t felt up to it yet. But when the urge hits, I’m ready!

Then LuAnn presented me with the most amazing quilt that everyone had made.

Isn’t it adorable????? 25 dresses from 25 different women. I am just so blessed. Instead of the usual label on the back, there is this cute pocket with a little book inside listing all the women who made a block along with a personal message from each of them.

I have already hung the quilt up in my bedroom so that I can look at it everyday as I recover from my surgery. Just looking at it lifts me up and makes me strong. There are not enough words to express my gratitude and joy from this incredible gift. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I recently found out that I have had a recurrence of the cancer that I had in 2005. The prognosis is good, but it means 5 weeks of radiation and then surgery to remove the tumor and all its little tentacles. Yuk! Not much fun. It’s both a blessing and a curse to have done this before and know what is coming.

I have certainly been on an emotional roller coaster since receiving my diagnosis. I bet someone has written a book about the emotional stages one goes through, which I imagine are kind of like the stages laid out by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book “On Death and Dying.” There is definitely anger; with me right now there’s lots of it. There is fear and sadness and humility and vulnerability. And this time for me, there is also shame. I know that seems odd, but it’s like I’ve done everything I can to make myself strong and healthy after the last go round and here it comes again anyway. I feel like I’ve failed in some way. I realize that is totally irrational but hey, what can I say.

Since this blog is dedicated to my creative process, I’ve decide to talk about my cancer because it definitely affects me creatively. My mind has been so consumed by doctors and decisions and wildly fluctuating emotions that there is not much room in there for creative inspiration. During my previous bout, I didn’t touch the sewing machine for about six months. I hope that won’t be the case this time and I’m going to consciously try to keep working in the studio. Even if it just means sitting in there and looking at art books.