The Polka Dot Debutante

I’ve been debating whether or not to discuss this on my blog, but it is very much a part of my life at the moment — and it certainly affects my creativity.

I recently found out that I have had a recurrence of the cancer that I had in 2005. The prognosis is good, but it means 5 weeks of radiation and then surgery to remove the tumor and all its little tentacles. Yuk! Not much fun. It’s both a blessing and a curse to have done this before and know what is coming.

I have certainly been on an emotional roller coaster since receiving my diagnosis. I bet someone has written a book about the emotional stages one goes through, which I imagine are kind of like the stages laid out by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book “On Death and Dying.” There is definitely anger; with me right now there’s lots of it. There is fear and sadness and humility and vulnerability. And this time for me, there is also shame. I know that seems odd, but it’s like I’ve done everything I can to make myself strong and healthy after the last go round and here it comes again anyway. I feel like I’ve failed in some way. I realize that is totally irrational but hey, what can I say.

Since this blog is dedicated to my creative process, I’ve decide to talk about my cancer because it definitely affects me creatively. My mind has been so consumed by doctors and decisions and wildly fluctuating emotions that there is not much room in there for creative inspiration. During my previous bout, I didn’t touch the sewing machine for about six months. I hope that won’t be the case this time and I’m going to consciously try to keep working in the studio. Even if it just means sitting in there and looking at art books.

I got an amazing surprise yesterday and I'm still in awe of the amazing, awesome, incredible, sly, conniving, wonderful friends that I have. I went over to Fibers In Motion yesterday afternoon to supposedly have coffee with Vivienne and Susan. I walk back into the classroom and suddenly all these other people come jumping out. I was totally overwhelmed just thinking they were there to wish me well on Monday but there was more to come.

Then LuAnn presented me with the most amazing quilt that everyone had made.

Isn't it adorable????? 25 dresses from 25 different women. I am just so blessed. Instead of the usual label on the back, there is this cute pocket with a little book inside listing all the women who made a block along with a personal message from each of them.

I have already hung the quilt up in my bedroom so that I can look at it everyday as I recover from my surgery. Just looking at it lifts me up and makes me strong. There are not enough words to express my gratitude and joy from this incredible gift. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Funny how small your world gets when you are recovering from surgery. I've been living in my bedroom which, thankfully, I love. It's like a nest up there. Very comforting. Lying in the bed, this is what I see. My spectacular quilt is on the wall to the left, just outside of the picture.

Seen up close, here are the two sets of pictures that you can see.

The little quilt on the top is made by Betty Daggett from here in the Portland area. The collage next to it was made by Sarah Urquhart from Swannanoa, NC. And the collage under the little quilt was made by Virginia Cole from Moses Lake, WA.

In this group, the drawing on the top right was drawn by an old boyfriend from college. The picture on the top left is a regional artist named Terry McIlrath that Rick and I really like and the photo on the bottom is from a street artist in New York City.

But what really gets me through all this forced inactivity is books, DVD's and my lovely laptop. How did we ever survive without all this media to distract us?

I have managed to get some paperwork done but not much handwork thus far. I thought I'd be knitting or appliqueing, just haven't felt up to it yet. But when the urge hits, I'm ready!

As everyone who reads this blog knows, I've had cancer twice in the last 3 years. It's been difficult, but I'm now on the other side and am currently cancer-free. This time around, I needed some help to wrap my mind around it and learn how to live with cancer in my life, and an organization called Cancer Care Resources has given me that help. They are a non-profit organization that provides free counseling and other support services to cancer patients. It was started back in 1999 by a group of oncologists who saw the need for this type of service.

Like everyone else right now, they are suffering financially and it looks like they might have to close their doors. They are funded by private donations and are having an auction on October 11th to see if they can raise enough money to continue.

If you are interested, you can click on the picture below and you'll be able to view or download a PDF of the benefit flyer.